The Next Step of Our Lives
by Idon'twriteIleak
Summary: Karissa recieves startling news that makes Bruce Hulk out. Pepperoni have a surprise of their own. There's something in the oven at Stark Tower. Can Karissa cope with her fears or will she run away? And will Bruce be able to keep his promise to only fight harder. Following Life Can't Break Me (Still Ongoing Novel). Bruce/OC. Pepperoni. Slight Clintasha. Innuendo. Language.


Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, the Avengers, or any of the Characters other than Karissa and her family.

I looked at the test results again. Then again. This wasn't your average pee on stick test. This fell within my skill set. I knew this was real. I felt something akin to terror rip through me. I didn't even feel the tears threaten to escape, but my vision began to blur and suddenly the letters on the page became unfocused. Oh God, I had wanted this so bad, cried quietly into my pillow at night long after Bruce had fallen asleep for it. Now, as the reality of it faced me I was wracked with utter disbelief. For one glorious moment I let myself savor the moment, overtaken by complete and utter joy. Bruce fulfilled all my wildest dreams. He was gloriously imperfect. An imperfect being I'd learned to see perfectly. I loved him for everything that he was and everything that he wasn't. I loved laughing about our stupid fights after the fact. I loved the makeup sex, the goodbye sex, the hello sex, the frantic, needy kind, and the slow, methodical kind. I loved the long games of scrabble, and staring out at our ocean together. I loved what we had made together, and in that one glorious moment, I dared to dream that he wanted it too.

The moment slipped through my fingers as the dread set in. This perfect dream, this beautiful hope couldn't be. I couldn't bear to have that crushed, my perfect moment shattered. I was going to get this over with, like ripping off a bandaid, like coming home to my empty childhood home and no one coming back through the door again.

* * *

I clutched the paper in my hand as I blindly pushed to Tony's.

"Mr. Stark is currently entertaining guests at the moment would you like to-" I ignored Jarvis and pushed through the opening elevator doors. All eyes turned to look at me, but mine only connected with Bruce's. I locked them there, my whole body threatening to come apart at the seams.

"I'm pregnant."

My chest heaved as I spoke, my hands fisted at my sides, my gaze unrelenting. Breaths seemed to get quieter and all other sounds disappeared. Every person in the room seemingly frozen in time. I couldn't stand it another minute longer. I couldn't stand there and look into Bruce's eyes and face my pain. I was too weak.I couldn't watch the realization dawn on his face as it melted to terror. I couldn't hear him say he didn't want my baby. I couldn't lie about the way I felt to those people. I couldn't let all my joy be torn from me, let that glorious moment of peace be shattered by piercing questions and concerns for the future. In that moment I couldn't do it. My only instinct to run. To turn away from the source of my hurt and run far away to where I was safe. Safe in my loneliness. Being alone was safe. Maybe there I could savor this moment instead of tremble in fear.

I tore away from them all and ran into the elevator. Time started again, or everyone's reaction time caught up with them and they ran after me. I panicked watching them close around me. I blindly reached for the control panel and pushed every button my hand came in contact with, the test results nothing more than a crumpled, paper scrap in my hand now. The doors shut on their frenzied faces and outreached hands. I collapsed against the side of the elevator, letting the sobs rack my body.

"Jarvis. Don't let anyone in. Just please, don't let anyone in." The elevator complied, not opening till I came out at the bottom level. Happy stood at the secretary's desk, talking to her flirtatiously.

"Happy!" I cried half-manically. He turned suddenly at my cracking voice. His attention was ripped from me though when Tony came bursting through the stairwell, making it down in record time. I cried out in fear and ran for the door, Happy one step ahead of me.

"Stop her!" Tony yelled to the guards and I felt my heart skip a beat as adrenaline pulsed through my veins, taking me to the back seat of the car Happy had waiting.

"Karissa!"

"Karissa, wait!"

Without a word, and without requiring explanation Happy peeled out, leaving Tony and the guards helpless and too late on the curb.

Happy peered at me through the rear view mirror as shudders shook my body, tears streaming unbidden down my cheeks. I watched the city blur past out my window. Happy sensed my need to get away from Stark Tower and wove through traffic at record speed.

"Take me to my Mom." I whispered. His eyes watched me for a second longer, as if about to ask what happened, but at the last minute he stared forward, driving me where I asked to go.

As the wheels slowed and crunched on the gravel I sat up straight.

"Don't tell anyone I'm here." Was all I said as I opened the door and walked to my mother's grave. The dead and dry lilies were still there, after all these months. I fell the the ground then to run my fingers over those words, 'Loving wife and mother'. Tears fogged my vision and I looked to the stalwart pillars side by side, in a row. Sobs ripped from my chest as I collapsed in a heap, crying for my unborn child. Crying for everything I'd lost. Crying for all the loss that continued. I cried for Bruce. For what this would put him through. All that time, so careful, with no mess ups, until me. I had come into his secluded life and brought with me all his worst fears. Now I would tear this dream, so tantalizingly close, from both of us. I was breaking his heart. I was breaking my own. I was so alone. This baby would have been mine. It would fill the whole that fateful day created and heal the wounds that still scarred my soul. I felt myself gasp for breath. I began to hyperventilate as sobs tore from my chest.

* * *

A blur of movement through my tears brought me out of it. I blinked, trying to clear my vision. My breathes momentarily stabilizing.

A hand came down on my shoulder, scooping me up in it's arms. I blinked away tears from my exhausted eyes. I looked up into Bruce's sorrowful eyes, seeing the reflection of my desperately heartbroken ones in their depths.

His hand brushed my hair away from my face, a ghost of a touch.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, the tears starting again. "I'm so sorry." My voice faded into cries. He sat in the middle of the cemetery, his legs crossed, cradling me in his arms as I cried. When Bruce stood, he carried me to the car, with Happy waiting concerned by the door. Bruce gave him a slightly angry but desperate look at he slid into the backseat. I clung to him as he held me. My cries only stopping to take a shuddery breath or to whisper 'I'm sorry' again. Bruce met Happy's eyes in the rearview mirror. The anger was gone now and he looked at him with sorrow and understanding.

* * *

We both got out of the car and Happy followed us inside. Bruce pushed through the doors. The Avengers waited in the lobby, turning in reverent silence as Bruce carried my, limp in his arms, inside. My eyes swept over them, glazed over and empty, not really seeing. Bruce moved past them without a word to the elevator, leaving Happy to try to explain and get answers.

Bruce carried me with him as he gathered as many pillows and blankets as he could in the spare room in his hands, dragging them out to the balcony. He piled them down, curling me to him as he laid in the midst of them. The sun had long since set on our ride back and the city lights shone in the darkness. He looked down at me, bruised and broken and in pieces in his arms.

"Karissa. Do you want this baby?" He whispered, caressing my temple. I looked at him with wide, unmasked eyes filled with utter longing.

"I want your baby." Wanted to feel it grow inside me. Wanted to feel his hand pressed against my stomach to feel it's first kick. Wanted to watch it take it's first breath of life. I wanted Bruce's baby. I wanted to know our love had made something so miraculous together.

He bent to kiss me tenderly on my forehead, lingering. I closed my eyes and my breathing deepened.

"Why would you run?" He lifter my chin to look directly into my heartbroken eyes. I searched them for malice, but only saw gentleness and want, want to heal my broken heart and understand.

"I was afraid, afraid of what you'd say. Afraid you wouldn't want our baby," my hand went unconsciously to my abdomen. "Afraid you wouldn't be happy. I was afraid it wouldn't be everything I thought it would be, that everyone would steal away the preciousness of the moment. Afraid I would be alone. That I would relive that day when I lost my family. I don't want to lose our family Bruce."

He looked down into my eyes and for the second time ever I saw tears in his eyes. They moved to my abdomen and stopped there as if trying to see into my being to catch a glimpse of the being that was growing there. I felt the tears return, leaking out the corner of my eyes and down onto our nest of pillows. I watched his face, unable to take my eyes of him as I watched his amazement. Slowly, ever so slowly, his hand slipped over mine, and then gingerly caressed my stomach. I watched the corners of his mouth start to twitch into a frown and his jaw twitch as he tried not to frown, holding back tears. Silently they slipped down his tense cheeks. I watched as he bonded with his unborn child and I knew I had been wrong. Bruce wouldn't give up his child, he wouldn't fight this. We both wanted this. There on that balcony we reverently stroked my stomach.

At one point Bruce's hand stilled on my stomach, his eyes clenched tightly closed. I tensed, worried he was stressing and would Hulk out. He responded to my uneasiness, his eyes flying open. It was then that I realized.

"Bruce were you praying?" Neither one of us were religious, but in the sacredness of that moment it seemed fitting. He smiled weakly and nodded. I reached up and brought his head down till our foreheads touched.

"I love you. I love you and our baby."

"I love you both so much."

We held each other there, surrounded by our ocean, our little family, safe and protected, and anything but alone.

* * *

No one knocked on the door for hours the next morning.

When they finally came, that all came at once. Bruce got up to answer the door so I could stay resting on the couch, morning sickness was taking it's toll. We barely had a chance to peek around the door and see who it was before they barged in, talking over one another, Steve, Clint, Natasha, Pepper, and of course in the lead, Tony.

Tony spoke up the loudest, "You're pregnant?" I felt a blush rise in my cheeks and I looked away shyly.

"Oh now you get all shy and embarrassed! You should have felt like that before you decided to get in bed and we wouldn't be dealing with this in the first place! Damn fertility." That brought my eyes back up.

"Guys, this is supposed to be the happiest day of my life!" I had expected to be questioned, but this, this was beratement.

"Are you nuts?" Tony asked, clearly in disbelief.

"Why shouldn't it be?" I said as I looked around the room at the faces. "I'm happy, Bruce is happy." I challenged defensively.

"You're kidding right? You're growing a little Hulk in your stomach."

"I'm growing a baby Tony." Bruce's baby. My voice dripped with venom. I knew we would have to face these concerns, but for now, for one moment, I wanted to enjoy the news like a normal couple.

"Bruce Hulked out right after you left, the guy would never make it through labor." Tony scoffed. I turned to look at Bruce in disbelief, straining to keep my jaw from physically falling open.

"That better be a million dollar baby to pay for all the damages. Pepper and I had to temporarily move floors for cleanup." Tony continued matter-of-factly.

"'I'm happy Bruce is happy'?" Tony quoted. I shook my head in denial, finally looking at Bruce.

"You caught me off guard."

"But you Hulked out? You were that upset?" The conversation escalated as my voice rose a decibel.

"Karissa, you know the Hulk is triggered by an increase in heart rate, that doesn't necessarily mean he was upset." Natasha offered in way of comfort. Wow, the situation was serious for that.

"Oh, she should know that what with their heart rates through the roof as they fondue-ed each other." Bruce seemed to be getting tense at this point. I picked up on the subtle signs that he was trying to calm himself down.

"Congratulations. I for one, am happy for you both. I wish you all the best." Steve stepped forward and though I knew he was being genuine part of me thought he just said it to change the uncomfortable subject.

"They're going to need it!" Tony whispered, but all of us could still hear it.

"Hey!" Natasha warned. Natasha and I had never been close, her sudden willingness to come forward shocked me.

"This is all fine and great, I'm happy for you too, but Tony is right. We're going to have to address this sooner or later." Clint said to Steve.

"Why is everyone talking about this like it's a problem? I know. It's my fault. Let's address the real elephant in the room. I got us into this mess. I'm the problem." I spat out the word 'mess' in vice. That's what this was to them. A mess. A problem.

"This is not your fault." Natasha came forward and placed an arm around my shoulders.

"Technically it is. She's the Gynie here. She could have found some way to prevent it." Tony sounded convinced. Pepper had enough.

"Oh come on. You're one to talk. I'm sure you could have found a way to prevent this too with all your practice." Pepper pointed to her enlarged midsection. His jaw twitched.

"Don't bring us into this."

"This is about us Tony!" Her voice was laced with bitterness as she said it. "About our family." She gestured around the room. Tony scoffed.

"Oh please, this is not a family. It's a lousy excuse for a team laced together by a dead man."

Silence permeated the room, no one dared to move.

"Tony that was uncalled for." Bruce finally spoke, his voice dangerously low.

"I will leave before I let you take this baby." Every eye in the room turned to look at me. My comment was directed at Tony, my steely eyes trained only on him, ignoring everything else.

"I will support you." Natasha said her arm tightening. I looked up at the redhead. She was fiercely loyal, but underneath it all I could see the longing of a woman for a child, one Natasha could never have. She understood the value of having a child, her own womb empty, forever. She was standing up for womanhood in front of all the testosterone in the room.

Bruce rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers before looking at me.

"No one is going to take your baby."

"Our baby."

No one is going to take our baby." I remembered his words from our discussion about Pepper. 'I could never live with a child like me. I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd created a monster, that I'd passed this burden on." Tears threatened my cheeks. I had tried to convince him otherwise, make him see his own capacity to love, to give him hope. I remembered his tears. The first and almost only time I saw him cry, as he fiercely vowed he would never have children. Had he changed his mind? Truly. He had said he loved this baby? Did he regret those words? Was his better judgment berating him into pulling away, leaving the child without a father.

"Promise."

"I promise."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." Tony chimed in, but I didn't take my eyes off Bruce.

"How far along are you?" Clint finally asked me a question in the same ballpark as positive or supportive and I sighed in relief.

"About five weeks."

"You were pregnant for five weeks and you just barely figured it out? Some Gynie you are." Tony scoffed. I looked back at Bruce.

"I was too scared to check." I blushed. "To be honest I wasn't really sure it was possible. I was on the pill." I bit my lip in embarrassment. Having my sex life on display was not on my list of things to do today.

"Bruce you sneaky Bastard!" Clint slapped him on the back and I looked away.

"I still hold that it's Karissa's fault. She should have been better protected against you're sneaky sperm." I groaned. We were getting no where.

"So how are we supposed to figure out what's going on with the little guy?" Clint asked, turning to me, the authority on the subject in the room.

"Well I can't exactly do it myself."

"Great, this is what happens when your attending OB gets pregnant. When she's supposed to be looking after your pregnant wife mind you."

"I can do it." Bruce sounded mildly aggravated.

"Good, this is partially your fault, it's only right that you take some responsibility."

* * *

Everyone crammed into the office on the other side of the exam room door. Tony had protested at this claiming that I got to be there at all their ultrasounds.

"That's because I'm your doctor." I corrected.

Bruce prepared my lower abdomen for the ultrasound. His brow furrowed as he worked, lost in his own persistent thoughts.

"Bruce." It came out as a rough whisper. He didn't even look up from his work. I caught his hand, tearing him away from what he was doing to look at me, something he'd been avoiding since we got in here.

"Bruce are you happy about this?" He went back to his work. Tears pricked my eyes and I willed them to go away. Cold lubricant spread across my belly as he moved the ultrasound back and forth. I watched the screen instead of him. He slid around looking for a heartbeat, finally coming to rest on a little pulsing entity. I bit my lip in an attempt to keep back the tears. A tiny cry managed to escape my lips as I craned my head to get a better look at our growing child. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

I heard Bruce's breath catch as he watched the tiny heart beat. He finally met my eyes.

"You alright?"

"Yes." I nodded and unable to hold it back I let out a small laugh as I wiped tears away so knew ones could replace them on my cheeks. I turned to watch the screen again, unable to tear my eyes from it.

"I'm just really happy." I whispered, letting myself revel in the moment. That tiny heart beat would turn into a child baby. A tiny child for Bruce and I to raise. For me to teach the piano. For Bruce to carry on his shoulders. To cuddle in our bed after a nightmare. I swallowed hard and wiped my tears away yet again as I faced Bruce. I set my jaw, determined. I loved Bruce with my whole being. I would choose him over everything. I prayed I wouldn't have to choose between him and my unborn child.

"I will do whatever you want Bruce." He clenched his jaw. Unable to meet my steady gaze he looked to the monitor. He was silent for another moment.

"I always thought- I wanted to be a father. I want to be a father, especially with you. I want our children so much sometimes I lose control. The truth is, this scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what I'm doing. I didn't have a father. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid for the baby Karissa. I'm scared out of my mind and I've never felt so powerless." He looked back down at me. "But I want this baby. I want us to be a family more than anything. I love you." We both knew that for sure, that we loved each other, but I needed more. I needed him to say one more thing.

"I love our baby."

I swallowed through the tears that followed. We both looked back at the monitor, finally letting ourselves get lost in the joy of the moment. Finally accepting that this was real and how beautiful it was. Finally realizing we were a family.

* * *

"Now comes the uncomfortable part." Bruce did a pelvic cell sample with a mean looking syringe to test for fetal DNA abnormalities. I tried to be compliant but it was painful and uncomfortable. Finally, after I was adjusted and modest Bruce opened the door, stealing a quick kiss first.

"So? How's it look Doc?" Tony was being a lot nicer and his tone had changed. I assumed Pepper had given him a good talking to outside.

"So far? Fine. The heartbeat is good, strong and healthy. We have no reason to suggest there is anything out of the ordinary."

"Except for the fact that you're the father?" I shot a look at Stark. His hand was would around Pepper's waist. She was pulled taunt, her petite body carrying a seven month child.

"Except that." Bruce chuckled and I relished in the feeling of his hand moving to my stomach.

"I'm sorry about stealing your thunder Pep." She laughed and brushed it off, her hand coming to rest on her own swollen belly.

"We still beat you to the punch." Tony sad with a wicked wink.


End file.
